


Living On The Edge

by gurobastard



Category: Adam (2009), Charlie Countryman (2013)
Genre: Canon Autistic Character, Happy Ending, M/M, Nigel is quick to be smitten, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-25
Updated: 2020-02-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:28:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22891738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gurobastard/pseuds/gurobastard
Summary: "I know all the reasons we should keep living, and I'm sure you do too."Nigel finishes his cigarette under a new record of time, so he just tosses the butt end behind him in favor of keeping his eye on Adam. "Sure, maybe I do. What are your reasons for living, spaceman?"Adam is obviously caught off guard. "My name is Adam.""Adam," Nigel tries again. "Why the fuck are you still alive?"
Relationships: Nigel (Charlie Countryman)/Adam Raki
Comments: 7
Kudos: 159





	Living On The Edge

**Author's Note:**

> content / trigger warning: suicide is the main subject of this fic, please tread cautiously if that is a difficult subject for you !!

The roof is cold that night, colder than Nigel remembers it being any other time he came up there for a smoke, and it makes him glad he brought his coat. He supposes it's appropriate for the occasion- he isn't up there for a smoke anyway, so he can't complain. He's standing on the ledge, leaning over the railing with a loose hold as he watches the bustling street down below. New York always seemed so busy, everyone rushing to get god knows where with making as little eye contact as possible.

He wonders if they'll even notice his body hitting the pavement.

_ Well _ , he thinks to himself, getting ready to swing his legs over the piss poor attempt at a barrier,  _ only one way to find out. _

"What are you doing?"

Nigel whirls around at the sudden voice, his grip on the railing tightening. He didn't expect anyone to be up there at all, honestly, he was the only one who really ventured up to the roof. But lo and behold, one of his neighbours stood just a few feet away...dressed in a space suit.

"I- what are  _ you  _ doing?" Nigel shoots back, confusion momentarily making him forget what he went on that ledge to do. The man shifts where he stands, fidgeting with the good length of rope he held.

"I was going to clean the windows." He says, so matter of factly that Nigel can only laugh.

"In that fucking get-up? Why not just clean them from the inside of your damn apartment?"

The man frowns. "I can't reach all of it. I want to see the stars, and I can't because there's soot on my windows." He seems very sure of his explanation, as if that's the most logical conclusion he could come to. "What are you doing?"

Nigel looks down to the city just below him, the cars seeming so small from how high up he is. Turning back to his neighbour, he shrugs. "Nothing, just living on the edge."

The man doesn't react. Nigel grunts. "Just pity laugh at least, jesus."

"Pity laugh?"

"Look," Nigel sighs, not wanting to deal with this any longer than he had to. "I came here to kill myself, so if you don't mind leaving so I can get this over with, that'd be pretty fucking peachy."

The man stares at him, and the only reaction Nigel can see is how much more stiff he got. "No."

Nigel can't help but snort. "No? What, you wanna be some fucking saviour or something?"

The man comes closer, but doesn't seem to be too panicked over where Nigel is, in fact he just looked pretty uncomfortable. "I- no. I don't want to be anything. You're my new neighbour, and I've seen you around a few times. I want to know your name at least, before…"

"My name?" Nigel has never been more bewildered in his life. "...It's Nigel. Nigel Banyai."

The man nods almost to himself, repeating Nigel's name under his breath before he gave him an awkward smile. "I'm Adam Raki."

Nigel's throat tightens at the smile. Even with how uncomfortable he seemed, he still was rather nice to look at. Nigel has seen this Adam around, not too often but just enough to get a little curious of who he was and why he seemed so nervous with existing outside of his apartment.

Maybe entertaining him wouldn't be too much of a waste of time.

"Okay, Adam Raki," Nigel starts, turning around to fully face his newly found acquaintance. "Why are you wearing a fucking space suit? Is it Halloween or something?"

"No, it's May second. I'm wearing this because it's rated for three thousand pounds, so it'll hold me while I clean the windows." Adam says, lifting up his window wiper he held with the rope as if that would make anything about his decisions make more sense.

"Why do you  _ have  _ a space suit?"

Adam visibly brightened up, his smile returning as a much more genuine one. "It's a replica of an Apollo EMU- EMU stands for Extravehicular Mobility Unit!" Adam looks so happy to tell him this that Nigel finds himself genuinely interested. "This one specifically was used during Apollo Sixteen, my dad got it for me as a birthday present a year ago."

"Oh? Where's your dad?"

Adam's smile falters. "In Queens. He died three weeks ago."

Nigel blows some air out, brows shooting up. "Shit, sorry. My old man is dead too. At least I fucking hope he is."

Adam was walking closer, and Nigel finds himself not minding it. "Why do you hope he's dead?"

Adam doesn't make eye contact at all, Nigel notices, and he seems to be clunky and almost unsure with every movement he made. Adam was apparent that he was more worried about how he came across than the fact that Nigel was literally seconds away from dying when he first saw him. He was shaping up to be the strangest person Nigel has ever met.

Digging into his coat pocket, Nigel brings out a cigarette and his lighter. He may as well burn the rest of these down during their talk, that way he didn't waste anything when he left. "He was a fucking piece of shit. Cheated on my mom and beat her out of the house, thought I was a fucking disappointment and beat me too. The usual sob story." Nigel shrugs, not missing the scrunch of distaste on Adam's face when he both inhaled and exhaled from his cigarette. A goody-two shoes on top of being an odd character, Nigel wonders how the other people in this apartment take to him.

"Cigarettes are extremely unhealthy and will more than likely end in a heart attack, stroke, or lung cancer." Adam says, Nigel rolling his eyes.

"Yeah, well, I'm not too keen on the living thing, obviously." He snarks. "Unless you forgot why I came up here."

Adam frowns, shifting around from one foot to the other. "I didn't. I'm not good at- um, at the talking thing." He blinks in a certain pattern, the echo of Nigel's words not going unnoticed. "I know you've decided, and I don't know you well enough to try and convince you otherwise. I know all the reasons we should keep living, and I'm sure you do too."

Nigel finishes his cigarette under a new record of time, so he just tosses the butt end behind him in favor of keeping his eye on Adam. "Sure, maybe I do. What are your reasons for living, spaceman?"

Adam is obviously caught off guard. His mouth opens and closes a few times before he settles on something to say. "My name is Adam."

"Adam," Nigel tries again, his patience surprisingly staying steady. "Why the fuck are you still alive?"

Adam is twisting the rope between his fingers while his eyes wander all around the rooftop, as if almost trying to physically find his words. "I...need to stay alive so I can see the stars. If I die, I won't be able to learn more about them."

A soft, nearly warm feeling spreads across Nigel. Such a simple reason to keep himself on Earth, he was almost envious- almost. He had his fair share of reasons to stay alive, but they all disappeared when his wife abandoned him and left him cold with nothing but a bullet embedded into his shoulder. Damn cop was a lousy shot.

"The stars are that important to you." Nigel says, not entirely directing it towards Adam. "That's why you're so willing to risk your life to try and clean your windows to see them?"

Adam made a noise, Nigel could only chalk it up to a complaining whine. "I'm not risking my life. I know the proper knot that will keep me secure, and this suit is able to hold me for as much time as I need."

"The universe isn't that kind, darling. You could easily slip and fall."

"So could you." Adam retorts, nearly petulant. Nigel finds himself laughing, genuinely, at how put off Adam looks. He was determined, Nigel could give him that.

"Can't you just hire a fucking cleaner?" He asks, fumbling around his pocket for another cigarette. "They're trained to do this shit, you know."

This time around, Adam looks genuinely distressed. "I can't talk to people."

Down to one last cigarette, Nigel was sure he had more. Oh well. "You're talking to me right now. Doing a pretty good fucking job."

"I-" Adam stops, ending his retort quickly as he realizes something. "Oh. Thank you." A beat, then, "Are you being sarcastic?"

"No, I'm not."

"Oh. Okay, thank you."

Nigel eyes Adam in silence, watching how he seemed unsure of what else to do, his thumbs running against the rope at a set speed. His hands were mostly hidden by the large sleeves of the suit, something that was rather endearing, but also pretty worrying.

"Your hands will freeze off before you get to finish cleaning. You won't be able to climb back up." Nigel says. He doesn't get a response for a while, and he's okay with that.

By the time Nigel finished off his last cigarette (another butt end over the railing), the words fit into place for Adam again. "I thought it was going to be warmer."

Nigel smiles, it's small but genuine. "So did I."

Adam takes a few steps forward, within arms reach of him now and having to at least look at Nigel's chest rather than the roof around them. "What if you cleaned my windows?"

"What."

"I can't reach, and you're taller than me. You'll be able to reach farther."

Nigel grimaces, and it was his turn to look away, although he didn't find a place to fix his gaze on like the other did. "Adam-"

"We can look at the stars together." Adam's face is that same brightness from before, the excitement thrumming in his eyes and the way his hands twisted the rope around. Nigel would be a fool if he rejected the offer and made Adam dim down.

Nigel sighs, heavily. "You don't know me. What if I came into your apartment and fucked shit up? Or murdered you?"

Adam blinks, as if he didn't consider it. Then, "You don't know me either. I could be luring you into my apartment to murder you."

That wouldn't be the worst way to go, Nigel reasons with himself. Adam would probably be quick and neat about it, and while Nigel wasn't entirely attracted to men while sober, he did find himself more and more drawn to the pretty boy, murderer or not. It's not like he really cared about whether he lived or died.

It was also highly doubtful that Adam could manage more than a good punch before Nigel would easily overpower him, even with the bulky suit he could see how thin the man was.

Nigel had planned to be nothing but another news article that would quickly be swept under by a million other atrocities that take place on a day to day basis, and maybe he will be soon.

But, at least for that night, Adam wanted to see the stars with him.

"What the hell," he shrugs. "Wasn't planning on much else."

**Author's Note:**

> thank you very much for reading !!!! comments are greatly appreciated, i hope you have a good day💕
> 
> twt: guroraki  
> tumblr: acedogs


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